“Knowing and Knowing are two different things”. This is a catch phrase of sorts that I started using years ago. My meaning behind the saying goes as follows: First I have an indication of what a task will mean emotionally for me during the time of initial contemplation. Then the epiphanies that come surging along when unexpected turns arise. At this point I have an “Ah-ha” moment, I “really know now”. Understanding and connecting the emotional attachment to the commitment, stepping forward in the decisions I have made. Living in the moments even with the best preparation we can provide ourselves is so prevalent while recovering. Sometimes we will be holding a compass but still need a guide.
Some tips I’ve learned along the way. A journey of recovery.
In early recovery we must remember that the body, mind and soul will all need rest. A lot of rest.
You will be exhausted from going on “all cylinders”. The chemicals that were once surging your system are no longer. Habits obtained will need to be relearned with self-care. Learning to live to thrive not merely survive. The depletion or abstinence of substance is now accompanied by physical illness and mental strain. Strength and outside support are a must. You will have to dig deep and find that courage within to keep going on this path chosen. This will take time, and lots of it. Depression and anxiety will start to surface as you begin to heal. A wave of emotions that had laid dormant during active use will now be awakened. This too is part of the journey.
You will have realizations that become strong at times. This will happen as your feelings come back into full swing. Grief, feelings of guilt, shame, worry may all take a stroll into your awareness and stay in the emotional reunion of oneself. ALLOW these feelings to process, know this is part of your path. Should you find yourself wallowing in moments or thoughts of where you could/should by now, stop and remember that you ARE EXACTLY where you are meant to be! This is your journey, and comparison with a side of “should have, could have” will only create more harm than good if you stay stuck in that mentality for too long. Feel it, use it, allow it, and set it free.
This time is yours, pay attention to your own voice, needs and pace yourself. Keep in mind for as long as you have been going through the life and habits that you are recovering from; it will take a good amount of time to be able to mend. You must work on your inner self, finding your identity and authenticity of what you want this journey to mean to you. You are more than a diagnosis or label of any kind. The box that we tend to define ourselves as what we “are” tends to be an overshadowing stigma taking away from our true worth. The one and only you will be found beneath the labels in which the circumstances of life have had you defined. The black and white “before and after”. The progress we have made (most of us tend to forget) IS the most important part of the climb. For myself it took many years to decide that the boxes that encompassed me, though were relevant at times, I needed to take them apart.
My past is mine, but not to define. Eventually I approached it through a different lens. It was an important part of my journey, and still is to this day, but those boxes weren’t meant to be mine forever. It was time to check more off and this time make them mine.
It’s your climb too, make those boxes become the true you.
For more information on substance use, harm reduction, recovery and support services reach out to Plymouthcountyoutreach.org
