By Haley Kennedy, Recovery Coach – 4.8.2022 – 

“… Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me. I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment… unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.” Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, P. 417 

The dictionary defines acceptance as “the act of consenting to receive or undertake something offered; agreement with or belief in an idea, opinion, or explanation; willingness to tolerate a difficult or unpleasant situation.” 

We know what acceptance is. But how do we really begin to practice acceptance in a way that supports our recovery?… Because it’s pretty crucial for the healing process.  

Let’s think of it this way… we all wear clothes and probably have a hamper for the dirty ones, right? Throughout the week we’re burnt out from work, exhausted from cleaning the rest of the house, and just have more fun or important things to do, so we continue to fill the basket and the clothes pile up to the point where they spill out of the hamper and onto the floor.  We’re aware that it’s there, but we’re ignoring it at the same time. Finally, the day comes when we acknowledge that the corner of the room is a real mess, we’re short on clothes, and it’s time to do laundry. So, we take out each piece to wash and dry them acknowledging it is work that must be done, accepting the situation and completing the tasks necessary to clean it up —much like when you take your personal inventory and accept that you are imperfect, that there are parts of yourself that you must work on in order to heal. 

When your life has been impacted by substance use disorder, it’s easy to beat yourself up and feel excessive shame… but that kind of behavior does anything but encourage you to commit to the life-long process of recovery. Acceptance is the key to freedom by accepting who you are, the nature of the disease of addiction, and the ways in which you can overcome it, you gain the power and confidence to defeat it. Acceptance gives you the strength to pry back the choking fingers of addiction away from your throat and give your lungs access to the glorious and life-giving air of recovery. 

Acceptance is an opening of your mind and spirit to the realities of life and to the ways in which you have been impacted by your choices. It means you don’t fight against them but accept them for what they are and use them to grow as a person and move forward in life. It’s a major part of becoming a better person emotionally and spiritually and it can serve as a huge boost in recovery. And it allows you the freedom to forgive yourself for the problems caused by your substance use you’ll no longer be agonizing over the mistakes you made, the people you hurt, and your so-called failures – with acceptance, you can forgive yourself and heal your spirit. Learning how to accept the disease of addiction as a part of your life helps you to realize and isolate your triggers and move past them. Basically, it’ll help you see things through clearer eyes, eyes that can now identify what contributed to your substance use and the strengths that can help you overcome it. Everyone has personal strengths that they can use to improve their lives and accepting those can give you the self-esteem and courage you need to recover. Acceptance—though not effortless —is freeing. Anxiety, stress, and depression are often caused by an unwillingness or inability to make peace with the terms of life. It is human nature to think that one can control and manipulate all of the components of reality, but you simply cannot. Peace and true serenity can only be found once you accept life on life’s terms. 

It’s important to remember that acceptance is not synonymous with tolerance. Acceptance is not the reluctant sigh at the end of a stressful day, nor the disgruntled statement, “it is what it is,” or “this is just who I am.” No, acceptance is the realization that your suffering, anxieties, and stressors, are worsened in the moments in which you try to force life to conform to “your terms.” As you learn to accept and make peace with the way things are in this very moment, you step out of your own way and step forward on the path of growth. The more often you practice acceptance, the more you will see that each moment has a purpose, a lesson to teach, and a reason for unfolding the way that it does. As you stay present in those moments and genuinely accept them, you might find ways to be grateful for life on life’s terms, further strengthening your recovery and improving the quality of your day to day life. 

 

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